this is why i love her.
This is I unfortunately.
That was a disappointment..
You’re so sweet! I’m glad someone in this world thinks so. <333
Last night I was on ask.fm minding my own business and answering peoples reasonable questions when I assume someone from my school, actually I know that someone from my school came on there and because they could be ‘anonymous’ they thought they’d give me all they had so it went from I have ‘moobs’ which to those of you who don’t know what they are they are ‘man boobs’ to “fat face” and then they went on to say I looked like I’d “swalllowed 2 chirstmas turkeys” and I sat there thinking, why do people like this have to exist? It happens everywhere, I understand that but we are all human and we all have our own feelings and I think that someone who says that to another person and knowing full well what it does to them it did get on my mind quiet a bit but I tried not to let them know that or get the satisfaction but then they hit on a subject that I thought was a little out of order many of you may know by now, I’m not ashamed of it and I don’t mind sharing my experiences with other people, that I took an overdose in November last year due to being at a point of depression where it led to that, thankfully I didn’t do any damage and I was fine but this person hit on that subject and told me they found it funny, how can any decent human being with a good heart ever say that? Yes I went to bed crying last night because everything had just took over and ran through my mind, I’m the first person to admit that going to that extreme isn’t right but at the same time let me tell you that at the time of doing that your not thinking of what the result of your actions could be. Anyway, what happened was is I told them it didn’t affect me what they were saying and they said “i know it does come on man u take overdoses on paracetamol” and it ran through my mind did they think because they were saying it that I would do it again? No.
After I was out of hospital I went to an organisation called CAHMS and they let me talk about my problems and what was wrong an through the course of the last year I have gradually found myself in a much better place and not just my state of mind is better but my appearance has changed, my smile is a REAL smile most of the time and yes I still have problems and yes I still get moments where I burst into tears without knowing why but at least I can say that I got past all of that and I am a better person now and to think that there are human beings out there like that ‘anonymous’ person makes my blood boil because if I was a person who hadn’t got better who was still in a dark place like many people out there my age and older or younger then I could have well done it again over that and I’m just thinking that I don’t want other people out there going through what I went through and getting to the point I got too because at the end of the day people like THAT don’t deserve the satisfaction at least I am a good person with a good heart and with amazing friends like all of you, sure, I may not be a size 0 but who cares? Nobody should be what other people want them to be you should be yourself and if they don’t like it …………STUFF EM! At the end of the day I see it like this they are probably going to leave school, and end up working in Tesco’s where as I have ambition and I will somehow, however long it takes will get to where I want to be with manners and kind words to people instead of bitchiness.
You may be gone but in my heart you’re still very much alive, I miss you every second of everyday and I sometimes wish that God hadn’t taken you away from me so soon I wish you could’ve seen how much I’ve changed these last 4 years and how much I’m starting to come into my own. How much I have achieved and overcome and how much I really love you because I feel like I never told you how much I adored you because I did I adored you more than anything in the world, I often probably took you for granted I never thought I would lose you so soon and never thought I’d never have the chance to say goodbye I just hope that where ever you are, whatever you are doing up there that you can see how much I want to make you proud and how I want to be the best I can be for you. I love you with every inch of my heart and I am so sorry for not showing you often as I could have done your smile will always be in my mind and your laugh is printed in my heart. Thanks for everything you gave me and everything you will continue to give me even though you’re not here….Thank you for all the amazing memories I have with you and I hope you know that in my heart you are the best Nana that ever was.<3
I love you lots and lots.<3
Lots of love.